The servant is completely open. When you begin to share things there must be no tactics; you must be completely open. People give silly counsel, such as all the usual hard to get nonsense. If you want a rotten foundation do things this way. Don’t delude or deceive one another. Be careful also of early embrace of physical contact. Don’t let the pulse race and biology take over. You are seeking the Lord’s will. It takes a little time to find what you have in common, whether you share same values. Pray and don’t rush and don’t touch before you are at all sure.
Any marriage must be a matter of free and willing choice, and it seems clear that the family asked Rebekah herself. She was certainly given an opportunity a little later to accept or reject the proposal, so we may dismiss the idea that this was an arranged marriage, and that the two families imposed their will upon her. They asked her, ‘Wilt thou go with this man?’ and she replied, ‘I will go.’
Both parties should also be willing to listen to the counsel of their families, particularly their spiritual families, but no parent or church elder should implacably oppose the decision of two people to marry unless there is a very clear scriptural veto in a particular case. If we see danger signals we may warn, and even plead with couples not to proceed, but we have no power to forbid if it is just a matter of human judgment . Even in the ancient culture of Nahor the family did not claim anything like an absolute power of veto. ‘The thing proceedeth from the Lord,’ they said, ‘we cannot speak unto thee bad or good.’ And later they said, ‘We will call the damsel, and enquire at her mouth.’