How do we come to a full understanding of the Bible’s teaching on divorce? In this passage Christ speaks of one valid reason for divorce - fornication. Are there others also? If so, why didn’t he mention them? In John 16:2 Christ speaking to the disciples says, ‘I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.’ I have told you the great essentials, he says, but there is much more to learn. There is more to learn about the church, for example; there is more to learn about marriage and divorce, but you cannot take the weight of all this information right now. ‘Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth’ (John 16:13). There is more revelation to come on many different things. And it came: the word of Christ came to the apostles.
In 1 Corinthians 7:15 the apostle Paul gives further revelation. It is Christ speaking, but he is speaking through the apostles as he said he would. ‘But if the unbelieving depart’ – if somebody is deserted by their spouse and he or she is an unbeliever – ‘let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.’ In other words, the marriage bond has been broken by desertion. It has been ended, and the person is no longer bound to the deserting one, and, because the bond is ended, the one who has been deserted is free to remarry.
But there is a puzzle here, and people often fixed on ‘if the unbeliever depart.’ They say, ‘But I know of a case where the husband who deserted the wife wasn't an unbeliever. He was a professing Christian, and yet he has deserted his wife, so it doesn't apply. He has gone to the other side of the world, but he has never married again, and there is no evidence that he has committed adultery. So is she still bound?’ So we go to Matthew 18:15: ‘
Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. 17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church,’ – he will not repent of his misconduct – ‘let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican [a tax gatherer]’ (Matthew 18:15-17). This is the teaching of the Lord in his lifetime. In other words, if a man who is a professing Christian miserably and cruelly deserts his wife and abandons her, even though he is a professing Christian, if he won't respond to appeal and to a call to repent; if he won't respond to a proper, scriptural requirement from the church to repent of his sin, then he is to be classed as an unconverted unbelieving man. So, after all, desertion is provided for in 1 Corinthians chapter 7, under the rule of the person being considered an unbeliever.
What about violence, and what about verbal violence, if it is intolerable and continuous and terrible? The Reformers and the Reformed tradition has taken the view that this is one of the cases included under the 1 Corinthians 7 rule. If there is a case of violence – of course it could be so bad that it is necessary to find a place of safety for the innocent party and children – or even verbal violence, and the person as a believer is called upon to repent and mend his ways, then if he does so, that is well. That is a victory for the power of God. But if he won't do so, and he is making life utterly intolerable, then it may force a separation, and if he still won't mend his ways, then the separation is viewed as a desertion, and the one whose conduct brought about the separation is deemed to be the deserter. That was the view of the Reformers and they wanted to change the law to enshrine that, but at the time of the Reformation the House of Lords would not let them. The view was that violence and verbal violence came under the rule of correctable things, and if they could not be corrected, then a separation was inevitable, and that in due time would be construed as a desertion. That is the rule that we hold to today.