In what way are husbands and wives to be joined? Obviously first, they are joined in love. We are to be perfectly joined in love, appreciation, and affection. Love doesn't moon along on autopilot. It thinks; it appreciates; it emits affection. It acts with great acts of kindness and courtesy. Love is courteous always because it values the other party. Love never shouts. Love never speaks at. It speaks to. It's mutual love. It's not him loving her, and love not being returned very much. Or her loving him more often, and he not returning it particularly, not working at it.
They are joined in absolutely loyal to each other. Never does a Christian man for one solitary second think of divorce. We are not talking about situations where something terrible has happened and there has been betrayal, but in the ordinary course of events, never think of it, let alone say it. If you foolishly contemplate something like that, don't be surprised if Satan comes in and works on that idea, and causes it to grow. Neither do you make sarcastic or cruel or undermining comments about each other to third parties. You wouldn't betray each other in that way. Sometimes people do it in the presence of others.
Care for each other, which means which involves yet another point: understanding. Understanding the other’s vulnerabilities and sensitivities, and caring. He must care for her with her unique burdens in the family. He doesn't leave her to get on with it, leave her to bear burdens alone. He cares and shares, and she bears his burdens.
Then there is indebtedness. Do we keep alive the debt we have to each other. I owe so much, we say, to my wife. I owe so much to my husband. He has done so many things for me. She has made so many sacrifices, endured many difficulties. Then when – human nature being what it is – some unwise and unfortunate difference arises between us, our attitude and our self-control is held. I can't say what the flesh would like to say; I can't do what the flesh would like to do.
Do you understand your wife's vulnerabilities and needs as a woman and in her circumstances? Every wife has to work these days. She's got great pressures upon her in the home, and in the place of business or work. Do you have understanding of these things? And as a wife do you have understanding of his? Do you lay burdens upon him, which is more than he can cope with at any one time?
Are we joined in purpose, or does one go one way and the other go the other? Do you have your separate departments of life, and you don't intrude, or do you have a common purpose? Of course, as Christians, it's easy. Our common purpose is the service of the Lord. There are some, even pastors and teachers, who will teach, ‘No, his place is here, and her place is at home. You attend all the meetings and she looks after the children at home.’ That's not joined in purpose. We are joined in purpose: husband and wife both have avenues of Christian service if possible, and they potentiate each other and they protect each other's access to service and to worship in the fellowship.
Joined in pleasure. Sometimes one person in the marriage will have a pursuit or a sport or a hobby. It may be when you get married, if you can't do it together or it occupies too much time, that you have to give it up. Do you accord yourselves times of pleasure together that you can both share in?
In conversation. Who does all the talking? Or do have very little time to talk together? You haven't programmed it in. We are joined in conversation. We interact, we discuss things. We must give time to that; the list is long.
Joined in learning. Does one go one way and the other another? Do we have some things we learn together, progress together, talk about together – learning the things of God, learning the ways and the plans of God? Worship together. Sorrow and sacrifice together. Are you both in the sacrifices? ‘I feel the Lord would have me do such and such’, the man will say. ‘It's going to be very taxing. It's going to involve a lot of sacrifice. I'm going to take up perhaps a lay pastorate, and pursue my employment, and bring up the family. Certain things are going to go.’ Yes, but is your wife one hundred percent with you? It's going to be a sacrifice and she's going to have to make it too. Is it something you have sought the Lord about together?
Even the service of the Lord must be a matter of consent between husband and wife. If you are out visiting for a second night, she must consent, or the other way round, because you are together in marriage.
Sometimes you wonder what judgment will come upon western countries. The patience of God is so amazing! You read the Old Testament and you see the centuries going by and the prophets warn the people, ‘If you do this, God will judge you! If you do not do that, God will hold you to account!’ They tried the patience of God, and scorned his warnings, but finally the nation was rejected and brought down and terrible judgments took place. So it is with us today. ‘Here’s another preacher saying that something terrible is going to happen, and it hasn’t happened yet.’ Well, the patience of God is amazing but how long do we have? This is true even sometimes among Christians.