Do you think you've repented of your sins and you’ve come to Christ, and you’ve trusted in him, but you have no sense that he has received you? You have no assurance that you're forgiven. You feel no consciousness of being changed, of being received. Hesitation is for a reason. The great theologian of old, John Owen, said, ‘When Christ keeps a sinner waiting at the door, there is always a reason.’ What is the reason for me? Why do I not seem to be received?
Consider first of all repentance. It may be that there is some defect in your repentance. Repentance is not a work. It is not like passing an exam where there are ten questions and you have to get them all right. It's an easy thing. There is no merit in repentance, and yet we can make big mistakes. It may be that someone is repenting only of one sin, or two sins, and that's it. ‘I've been caught out’, you might think. ‘I told a terrible lie, and I've been exposed. I can’t hide it and I'm ashamed, so I repent of that one sin.’ Yes, but what about the rest of me? I don't have to make an inventory of all the sins I've ever committed. That would be impossible, but I have to come to the Lord aware of the fact that I have so many sins. ‘Lord, I am a sinner. I need complete washing and forgiving and renewing.’ That is repentance. It is acknowledging the depth of the problem.
Then sometimes, we repent only of thoughts, words and deed, and we forget the condition of the heart. I not only have committed sins; I am a sinner. I have a state of heart, which is proud and selfish, mean and hostile. It's deep within me. You have to acknowledge your total need. ‘I am lost sinner under the condemnation of Almighty God.’
Then some people say, ‘Yes, I have sinned, but I was provoked. I had unusual circumstances. I had a rough upbringing.’ They have no sooner repented and they are making excuses: ‘It wasn't my fault, after all, or it wasn't very much my fault. I had to.’ That’s not repentance – to acknowledge a little bit, and then immediately excuse it in my mind.
Similarly people say sometimes, ’Yes, I have done wrong, I am a sinner, but I have a lot of good in me. If I have the forgiveness of God, I need it for fifty percent of my life, and fifty percent I earn God's favour. ‘I'm an easy-going person,’ you might say to yourself, ‘I'm a generous person. Yes, I lose my temper, but I get over it very quickly’, as though that makes it right. ‘There’s good in me. I deserve something.’ No, that ruins everything. If there are bits of good in me, they are completely dwarfed and outweighed by the fact that I'm a sinner, and I'm under condemnation. If you’re standing trial for murder, it's no good telling the judge you've done one or two good deeds in your life.
For some people, it's all so clinical. They are not really ashamed. You can't repent if you don't have any shame. Well then what do I do, if I don't feel shame? Ask God to give you some shame. Ask him to help you and he will. Because you must have some shame in order to repent.
Don't say ever, ‘I'm not as bad as other people. I'm a sinner, but I'm not as bad as some people.’ In God's sight we are all as bad as each other.