Proverbs 20:19 Commentary and Bible Study

The construction put on this verse by the KJV relies on the translation ‘flattereth’ in the second half. The word means first of all ‘to be spacious’, ‘to be open’, ‘to be wide’, and then also ‘to entice’, ‘to deceive’, or ‘to flatter’. In this case the secrets that are revealed are those of the one told not to meddle with the flatterer. We should beware of the talebearer sidling up to us because he is going to reveal our own secrets. Other versions understand the talebearer to be revealing the secrets of third parties, and they see the verse as advice not to have anything to do with one who reveals others’ secrets. They therefore translate ‘him that flattereth’ as ‘a gossip’ or ‘him that talks too much’. These versions interpret the verse as a general warning against gossip, but the KJV sees a more specific warning against the indiscreet sharing of intimacies with one who cannot be trusted, and this is the more compelling translation. The description is of someone who comes to us feigning sympathy and interest, but who has a hidden agenda to get us to share with him intimacies which will then form the basis of his slander and gossip. He plans to go from us revealing the secrets we have shared and which we would be very uncomfortable to see made public. The means by which he gets us to divulge intimacies to him is to use flattery, to stroke his victims and pretend to show concern, only so that he can wheedle something out of them. His real pleasure is in talebearing and in taking away with him things that can fuel his habit of gossip. This will boost his reputation among his cronies as they are made party to our private affairs. The deceitful influence here is then the experience of sharing with one who feigns sympathy, and the release that comes from telling someone what is deep in our hearts. But we should choose very carefully those whom we are ready to share with. All true friendship must have a common interest. In the case of the Christian this must be a shared love for the Lord, for his truth, and for the gospel, otherwise we are in danger of being betrayed. There is a point where every unbeliever will find the price too high to continue to walk with the believer, and God will ensure this. Heaven cannot be reached by the believer without being willing to lose our lives in this world, but the worldling is not prepared to lose his life. Therefore every friendship between believer and unbeliever has limits which cannot be crossed. It is truly an amazing matter that Abraham is called the friend of God, and that the Lord Jesus Christ calls his disciples his friends, saying, ‘I have called you friends; for all things that I have heard of my Father I have made known unto you’ (John 15:15). Solomon’s advice is to have nothing to do with those who use flattery as a means of getting our friendship. It should be obvious to us that he is not to be trusted, because he uses lies to try to get our favour.