Proverbs 25:20 Commentary and Bible Study

What is identified here as inappropriate is the failure to read the feelings of others and to understand how to respond to them in the right way, including to those in great distress. There is no indication that the one who sings is actually trying to cause further pain by provoking the grief-stricken, or in any way mocking their grief. Rather this is a case of cackhandedness which is so inexperienced at dealing with the grief of others, or has so little insight into another heart that it blunders in where much care is needed. This may be a genuine attempt to cheer up the downcast but it is a work without knowledge, for it is not possible to yank the sorrowful out of their sorrow in a moment, when the cause of that sorrow is profound and needs time to heal it. Those who are bereaved have a natural and understandable grieving process to go through. They cannot be forced to ignore what it is right and proper for them to be sorrowful over. Whilst it is possible to grieve overmuch and to hang on to sorrow beyond the time when it should begin to mellow, it is still necessary to go through the painful adjustment process of learning to live without another on whom we have great affection for and have been greatly dependant on. There are forms of grief which arise from self-pity or sinful anger or desire for revenge, and in these cases people should be encouraged to quickly leave them behind, but where grief is justified and reasonable and proportionate, we must not hurry people to leave it behind. What will be far kinder in such situations is to come alongside the grieving in their distress and to feel their grief with them. ‘Weep with those who weep’ is the exhortation of Scripture (Romans 12:15) and indeed, ‘Rejoice with them that rejoice. Our responses to others should be sympathetic because we identify with them and agree with them where their emotional responses are understandable and natural, and not over-exaggerated. Failure to do so is compared to removing someone’s garment in gold weather and leaving them to shiver unprotected. The cold weather in mind is something personal to them but it is no less real. It is the cold of sorrow that has enveloped their souls. Or it is like vinegar on soda, and the idea is of two substances that are naturally antagonistic to each other and do not belong together. If they are put together there is a violent fizzing reaction. The singing of songs which at other times would cheer that person is, under these circumstances, a further cause of pain on top of what they are already suffering. The human heart cannot be changed suddenly, but must be persuaded and given time to respond like a great ship that needs to be turned around.